Enough already...my self-esteem can't take it!

When Amelia was 2 and learning the difference between "big" and "little" she used me as an object lesson: "Mommy, I have a yittle skirt 'cuz I have a yittle bottom. You have a BIG skirt because you have a BIG bottom." I accepted this observation because she was applying new knowledge to daily life (yeah!) and because it happened to be true (ugh).

When she was 3, and learning the word "blonde," she told me, "but Mommy, your hair isn't bwonde. It's GWAY." Gray hair at 31? My heart skipped a few beats, but I moved on.

Shortly after her 4th birthday, Amelia was watching cartoons, when she bellowed from the living room, "MOOOMMMMYYY!! COME HERE!!!! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!!!!!!!!"
I thought maybe something was on fire, so I ran in post haste. Instead, it seems she wanted me to see a commercial. "MOM," she said, "You NEED this." What on earth could I need so badly, you ask? Well, friends, it was a commercial for ProActive. The acne solution. As Alyssa Milano was extolling the virtues of this amazing product, Amelia had the phone in her hand and was preparing to dial the 1-800 number. She explained to me "Mom, your face boo-boo will go away and your skin will be cwean and shiny." This is probably good news for the advertisers of ProActive - even a 4 yr old understands your product. But YES, I was insulted. One small flare up, and The Chunster was staging an intervention.

But not one of these prior events compares to last night's. Yes, The Chunster outdid herself this time.

Every day, when I arrive home in the afternoon, that whirlwind of a Chun-bug hurls herself at me and squeals "MOMMY! YOU'RE HOME!!!" with her arms outreached to be picked up. I freely admit that she is 4.5, and too heavy and too old for this, but she's my one and only, and I am gonna keep picking her up and kissing her until they wheel me away to the Home. But I digress.

Yesterday, one of favorite parts of the day took a turn for the worse, when, during pick-up/huggy time, Alarmist Amelia gasps, "WHAT is in your nose?" She then proceeds to put her little hand under my chin and tilt my head heavenward so as to get a better view. Finally, she pronounces the verdict: "MOM! I think you have a nose hair." A NOSE HAIR?????? I am a 32 yr old woman who believes in good grooming. I took Downy wrinkle-releaser to China, for crying out loud. I do NOT have nose hairs!!!

I can live with being a big-bottomed, gray-haired, acne-covered woman. I REFUSE - adamantly REFUSE - to take on the nose hair label.

And that's all I have to say about that.


Amy
Harried but not hairy mother of The Chunster