Meet the Fam

What? You don't see any photos? Well, that's because the newest members of our family are imaginary.

For those who have not heard, our family has been expanding. First, Amelia’s big brother moved in. His name is Guyza. Guyza is generally pretty calm and, well, invisible. Guyza goes with the flow unless he accidentally gets left outside on the park. He did break an arm this weekend, but that’s about the only exciting thing that Guyza has been involved in. He also does not like having the door shut in his face, however accidental it may be. I also discovered recently, quite by accident, that Guyza wears contacts. Guyza has been with us for most of the summer, and I was fine with having one visible child and one invisible one.

Then, a few weeks ago, Amelia’s dad showed up on the scene. He might be handsome (I can’t tell because I can’t see the man), but he is not really the helpful sort. I keep waiting for him to make a mortgage payment, take out the trash, or mow the lawn. So far, all he’s really done is call Amelia’s cell phone to let us know we need to pick up some more milk and to remind me to get gas. Apparently, Dad could not pump the gas because he was watching TV. I guess I should find it comforting that her fantasies have some basis in reality. Last night, Amelia asked me what that brown ball that looks like an oval is called. Uhmm, a football? Apparently, Dad likes to watch football. Great. How will I explain when football season is in full swing (now) that one of the perks of being a single woman is not having to watch football?

When Amelia and I went out for Starbucks recently, she helpfully let me know that I didn’t need to order anything for Dad and Guyza because they stayed home to do boy stuff. Super, especially since I wasn’t planning on shelling out for 2 additional Starbucks for the gentlemen. Amelia also told me that they don’t like to shop (what a relief – they won’t be putting things in the basket!). Amelia tells me on a regular basis that Dad’s car is faster than mine. Really???

This weekend, Amelia received a call on her cell phone that someone was in trouble and needed help. Then she said, “never mind, Mom, I will call Dad.” She proceeded to do just that. She “lost” her connection once, but managed to reconnect to tell Dad about the trouble. Then she helpfully let me know that “Dad will take care of it, Mom.” Grand, really.

I thought we were all set with Dad and Guyza filling in the familial gap that Amelia seems to think exists, when, a little over a week ago, Amelia’s baby sister arrived. It took me a while to figure out that she had arrived, since I didn’t hear from her very often, and when I did, I never heard her name. Amelia finally told me that her baby sister is from China and that I would not understand her name if she told me. After much insisting that I could understand and pronounce the name, Amelia laid it out there: Fyo-mei. (Okay, maybe Amelia was right, and I can’t pronounce it. I certainly cannot spell it.) Fyo-mei goes everywhere with us these days, and Amelia was teaching Fyo-mei how to write her name and how to do ballet. Fyo-mei even got a little backpack to go to school.

Thus, now our family consists of Dad, Mom, Guyza, Amelia AiChun and Baby Fyo-Mei. I am left to wonder whether my child needs a larger family, a therapist, or both. I think I know which one I need.

Amy